Page 86 - Three Truths - Trillion Doubts - Volume -II

Prayer
1. Sir, I am not able to express my feelings in this letter. Spiritual journey of mine is full of impediments, mostly my own making. So stubborn I have become, so much self righteousness I hold I am barely keeping my head above water. My mother’s health is not good, she is in pain and whom I should pray? Am I failing my master? Please accept me again and please let me suffer my mother's pain [back].
Your concern for your mother’s health is appreciable. The problem of back ache is there for almost all the old persons and each one goes through the same in their own way. Prayer is always to the One God who is a Samavarthi and the role of prayer ends when prayer is done with sincerity and devotion. Results are in the hands of God only. I shall surely keep in my prayers your request and pray for your mother’s health also. All is His will and it is human etiquette to remain satisfied with whatever is dispensed by God.
2. Blemish: Rev Brother, I evaluate my adherence to discipline obedience and behavior. On and off discipline related issues comes up in terms of timings. It may be very few times over a month, but it is still a blemish and I seek you to pardon me. I am aware of some of my blemishes and I am working silently on it. Rev Brother at such times in particular I think about the enormous help you are giving to me/us, the work of my trainers and gift of Pranahuti and practices by Rev Master. Instead of thinking of the blemish alone, I try to stay positive by thinking in the above lines. Instead of getting frustrated on a blemish, I get positive energy to move on by thinking in above lines.
If the thoughts of blemish are intense you submit the problem in your prayer taking care to see that you do not seek relief.
3. Feelings of incompetence of self. Whatever competency is there is His. It feels burdensome that I have been entertaining feeling of doer ship and for so long when the real doer is He. Only He can bring up to That stage, whatever that stage may be where He is.
That stage has been well explained as TAM by the Master. Better accept that