Page 199 - Three Truths - Trillion Doubts - Volume -II

lapse. What is the sense in saying “I would have left the world”. I did not come by your option nor can you go by option. Learn to be more dependant on Master. What does it matter if we donot love Him; He any way loves us and that is enough. Be confident that you are not in such pathetic condition as you are imagining.
Negative Feelings / Negative Thoughts
1. These two months I had hell of trouble in my daily routine at home and my practice was effected. I admit that efforts in the journey towards the destination is inadequate due to inertia. I feel that am being tested. Firmness to reach the goal sometimes is firm and sometimes is struggling with situations.
Change your attitude and look at life positively. No one is being tested by God, it is the rubbish of religion to think so. It is our Karma that we go through and after all no one can change the Past deeds; one has to go through its results some
how.
2. At times felt repentant that I kept myself impure with different habitual thoughts and actions. Felt determination to keep myself pure.
Never discourage yourself by giving negative suggestions and ideas. It is wiser to say I am becoming purer rather than I am becoming devoid of impurities.
3. During this period I noticed that I got up by the alarm to start my sadhana but several times I switched off and went back to bed thinking that I sleep for another 10 min. I always overslept those 10min and lost precious time. Now I could overcome this sloth thru my will and pranahuti. Most of the meditations this period continue to be "at surface". I felt that the morning puja this period is like routine. I feel that there is a slip in my devotion and love towards Master.
I repeat do not yield to negative thoughts. Be sure of Masters blessings and of your determination to reach the goal. In this system you will not stagnate at any point more than necessary. Continue your craving and it will yield results very naturally.